December 21, 2014

Finding My Flame

Life whirls around

June 12, 2014

Support System

Our place is quiet. Our daughter is sleeping soundly in her bed with visions of summer vacation dancing in her head most likely. A fan is whirling behind me, creating a nice soft breeze against the back of my neck and my newly dyed hair. My husband is on his way home from a friend's place. I'm sitting here thinking about life.

You never realize the support system you have until you are feeling down and someone takes a moment to acknowledge your struggles and offer caring, thoughtful words to help ease your mind. It make not even be someone you have known that long or seen that much but still, they took time to respond, to let you know you were not alone.

I do my best to stay in contact with people, but I'm not perfect. I only hope I have offered encouraging words at the right time for others as well. We have to remember; we are not alone. Others have had our struggles too. Others have been there, done that and most likely ruined a T-shirt over it.

April 17, 2014

Seven Years Ago...

Seven years ago my life changed when I gave birth to our daughter Alexis. It was a Tuesday night, my husband had missed the last night of his bowling league. I arrived at the hospital around 5:30 pm and by 10:33 pm I was holding her in my arms.

Now, labor started well before that but I chose to stay home as long as possible (at the time we lived 5 minutes from the hospital). Plus I wasn't 100 % sure I was in labor. My contractions weren't regular and I had what some called "back labor".

But I was! I was so scared, as every new mother would be in that situation. Honestly, at times, I'm still scared. I remember saying "I can't do this" to my husband but I did! Having back labor is not fun at all. When I finally pushed her out it felt like she was pushing every vertebrae in my spine. 

She has changed my life in so many ways. I had first learned about love by falling in love with my husband and getting married but having a baby is a different kind of love. I am far from a perfect mother. I yell sometimes but at the end of the day she, at 7, still wants snuggles so I can't be that bad right? 

I love her more than I can fully ever say or show. I worry every day about the kind of mother I am to her. I don't have a normal 9 to 5 job which I know I get judged because of it by others. My focus is her. I have two degrees but I work from home so that I can be the primary caregiver of our daughter while she is still a kid. This may change but for now, this is what we are doing. 

Time goes by so fast! These seven years flew by and in only six more years she will be a teenager!