January 06, 2016

The Me I See

The saying is "a picture is worth a thousand words" and I believe that to be true at times. When I look at this picture of me I took (and edited) the other day I see opposite of what I am.

The person in the pictures looks calm, peaceful even, and a little happy right? Would you know she struggles with anxiety on a daily basis? Would you know she is not as happy as she would like to be? 

I am on a journey to figure out what I want from life, what makes me the most happy, besides my daughter of course, and working on ways to deal with my anxiety. I make videos on YouTube and have two blogs to earn some money since a "normal" job is harder for me to handle right now. I enjoy doing both and they are great, positive outlets for me which I can control. I will continue to do both in the future. 

People don't fully understand the levels of anxiety someone can have each day. An attack can come on quickly or slowly and take its toll on you both mentally and physically. I have been known to vomit if my attack is strong. Some days are easier than others, the medication I'm on helps and the counseling I go to helps as well. It will not disappear overnight and all you need, at times, is someone to acknowledge anxiety exists and not something to simply "get over". 

As 2016 progresses so will I with coping with it. Don't feel sorry for me, I am not looking for sympathy, just acknowledgment. 

**Update in 2019. I still manage my anxiety as best I can but now choose to have YouTube and the websites as my job. I feel this is what I am suppose to be doing and it is a "normal" job. This isn't a hobby. This is what I love and hope to grow in the future. For now, I am not in counseling though I may return in the future if needed. 

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