May 23, 2016

Children As Validation?

Growing up,  we can be led to believe we need to complete certain life expectations.

If we are single, we need to find partner.

Once found, we need to marry them.

Once married, we need to have children.

Marriage and children become validations for your life. Without them, who are you? For a person to decide they are happier single, happier not having children, seems odd to some yet perfectly normal for others.  When did these become the definition of who you are and whether or not you are “complete”?

I have a child, one child. I am fine with only having one but I remember a time when family and friends were saying “Time for another”. Why? Why does the number of children you have define you as well? Are people with children better than those without?  Are non-parents lives’ not as fulfilled because they do not have a child in the home?

Absolutely not. 

This was inspired by my friend Jessica who posted the following on one of her social media accounts:
Someone once told me 'your life has no purpose until you become a mother'...It's true that there were moments in my life when I had thoughts of being a mother...BUT when I weigh the pros and cons I am absolutely certain that I am right where I am supposed to be. I am far too self-centered to want to worry about sharing my time and energy on anything other than my own goals. Don't get me wrong, I adore my friends and family (and of course my fur babies), but for all the reasons those of you ache to have children...I have my own reasons I am happy I don't. So please, respect that...

Those without children are not to be judged for deciding to focus on themselves, for knowing what is best for them. Not everyone is suppose to be a parent, and that is perfectly fine.  People should not be made to feel like their life is not validated until they have a child, having a child is a choice, not a requirement in life.

Share your thoughts below. 

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