June 22, 2016

You Are Not Her Father

To Any Man Who Dates Me:

You are not her father. She has one; it's up to him how involved he wants to be in her life. You do not need to fill his shoes; he needs to walk in his own. You are dating me and, yes, I come with a child but, again, she has a father. I know you have seen those Facebook posts of how you need to be a father to the child of the woman you are dating, however, I don't feel that way.

Instead, be a role model to my child. Show her how a man treats a woman. Show her how to be a decent human being. Maybe make her smile once and a while. Take away the pressure of having to fill some father's shoes and just be a positive male in her life, while holding my hand along the way. She won't call you Dad but she won't disrespect you either. It's not a competition between you and her father. Her father will always win in her eyes, as it should be. I will never make her choose you over him, so just relax. Just be you to her and everything will be fine.

Thank you.


  1. I somewhat disagree, with this, as my first divorce, when i decided to start dating again, you see my daughter was 2 when I got divorced, (she is going to be 25 this month) and even tho i wanted her real father to be in her life, and belive me he had in the divorce agreement what days he wanted her, on holidays when she started school ect... When i first started to date, I didn't bring my daughter with me, the potential boyfriend knew i had a kid and if things started to continue , next it was time to meet my daughter. Let me say only one man met my daughter, and we are married, and he raised my daughter she was calling him daddy after 3 months of him and I dating and he had no problem with it at all. she is getting married this august and wants her dad , the only dad she identifies with to walk her down the isle. maybe it is different with the age of the child but im just giving my experience of it. but since her real father never acted on any of these visitations he demanded he ended up getting all visitations taken away by the judge. and even had the nerve to not sign over his rights so my than boy friend who wanted to adopt her . so she could have her dad's last name. that really upset me when the man who is your real father made no effort to see her and got his right taken away wouldn't give up his right so the man who was supporting her and raising her ... sorry if I am rambling but it was a very bad situation, what im trying to say is your situation and mine are different and you are doing what is best for your child as i did what is best for mine . it really did hurt my daughter that she couldn't take her step dad's last name, but i never hid anything from her. and he would be straight with her and she knew when she was older he wasn't her real father, but in her hart and his its his real daughter and her real father. I guess my post doesn't really make a lot of sense. just wanted to share my thoughts on it....

  2. i like the reading but like the above stated it all based on a case by case situation.. i am divorced . i have been since 2015. am newly remarried (since 2015) but dad has the kids because i didn't have a place(physically) to live at the time of the divorce. i have 3 kids well actually one adult child and 2 tweens one is almost 20 and the middle child is 13 almost 14 and the youngest child daughter is 12. her father and i get along for the most part but the man im married to knows that he is not her father but he is her step father whether it be a bio father or step father they are both male role models in the child(rens) lives... my husband (boyfriend at he time of the divorce) has been the only man in their life besides bio dad. i never was one to rush the kids into knowing the man i date until i know for sure that we were going to either live with one another or get married. ..